About me
When I stopped drinking in 2017, it wasn’t because I wanted to.
It was because it just wasn’t working anymore …
At 44 I’d had had a lifetime of using booze to quell my anxiety, to manage stress, to fuel my social life and to stop me facing myself and my buried pain and trauma from a dysfunctional and chaotic past.
I’d had many, many largely unsuccessful attempts to moderate or stop during this time.
Through all this I’d been:
a single parent to small children in a country where I barely knew a soul and had no support network
a high-flier in corporate life, juggling long hours and huge levels of stress in a work hard/play hard environment
in unhealthy relationships that were controlling and toxic, and left me experiencing night terrors and flashbacks for years.
The common thread throughout all of this was booze.
It was what I used to cope and switch off. It was ‘fun’!
It was the salve to everything - or so I thought.
My debilitating anxiety, my chronically low self-esteem, my complete lack of boundaries, my avoidance of dealing with the reality of my life which I felt powerless to change.
But, after decades, it just wasn’t working anymore.
My deftly crafted fun-loving party girl persona wasn’t even fooling me.
I couldn’t supress my deep sadness and self loathing anymore.
That’s when I had to admit, finally, that I had lost control of my drinking, that I was deeply suffering and that I needed help.
It was absolutely mortifying at the time - but looking back asking for help was probably the most courageous thing I’ve ever done.
I took to doing the work once and for all, I threw everything at it, and I haven’t had a drink since.
And here’s the thing … it changed my life completely.
All the things I had been looking for years, I found when I stopped drinking.
That was the irony; I had resisted it for so long believing I’d be missing out.
I honestly had no idea of the incredible amount I would gain.
I lost 9 kgs in 7 months without trying.
With my two girls and furry baby, Nala.
Graduating psych - finally! 10 long yrs.
Winning a Toastmasters contest - after a lifelong terror of public speaking!
As well as the more obvious things we hear about like weight loss, better health, mental health and finances there were much deeper and life-changing benefits.
Benefits I didn’t believe were possible for me:
I started to like and believe in myself, and slowly I was learning to trust myself too.
I was able to start living my values, honouring myself and having my own damn back instead of constantly self-sabotaging.
I was able to start feeling glimpses of joy in day-to-day life, in the simple things. Small glimmers. A contentment that had eluded me.
The blinkers started falling away and I was able to see things in my life much more clearly - and where shifts needed to be made - so I could improve my life.
Relationships with my children and the people closest to me improved. As I grew to respect myself, they did too. They could rely on me now, and became my biggest supporters.
I started smashing my comfort zone, realising it was no longer serving me, and releasing the things that had been holding me back.
The Missing Piece: Learning I Had ADHD
At 48, nearly five years into sobriety, I was diagnosed with moderate to severe ADHD combined type —and suddenly my entire life made sense.
All those years I thought I was just broken, chaotic, lazy, stupid, always in chaos? It was undiagnosed ADHD.
What I learnt not just about ADHD itself but the connection with problematic alcohol use blew my mind: ADHD brains don't produce enough dopamine, so we seek it through alcohol, drugs, sugar—anything that quiets the noise.
The research showed that rates of many addictive behaviours was sky-high in ADHDers compared to the general population.
While the stats made for shocking reading, they also made perfect sense.
“I’d always distinctly remembered the first time I got really drunk at 13.
The alcohol switched my head off. I got a break from the swirling thoughts, the anxiety, the negative self talk.
The relief was immense. The sense of peace, at last. And that was it; I’d found the solution.
My love affair with alcohol had begun.”
Trying not to appear completely wasted on holiday
For decades I'd struggled with things that seemed easy for everyone else—meal planning, staying organised, managing daily tasks. Everything felt like wading through mud.
Getting my diagnosis brought huge relief mixed with a complex array of emotions including anger and grief, that lasted much longer than I expected - many, many months.
But, it also showed me why so many people struggle with drinking and don't realise ADHD is underneath it all.
It allowed for much more self compassion, for not only my own struggles, but those within my family also, which had had a profound impact on me.
I learnt that if you're fighting alcohol and have undiagnosed or unmanaged ADHD, you're not just fighting the alcohol - you're fighting your own brain chemistry.
It was quite the feat to have stopped drinking in the face of all that, but I also knew there had to be a better and easier way to help people like me. A way to avoid all that unecessary suffering, or to at least address it more quickly.
Not just with alcohol, but with managing emotions, life, relationships, the overwhelm and perfectionism, the day-to-day chaos.
That's why I'm so dang passionate about working at this intersection.
Because when we understand what's really going on, we can finally stop fighting ourselves and start building a life that actually works for how our brains function.
And, we can put down the wine glass (if that’s what we want) and come home to ourselves.
It eluded me for so many years, and it pains me for you to waste all that precious life stuck in this cycle.
You really do deserve better.
This sh*t isn’t easy, my friend. But it’s so worth it.
My Professional Background
Bachelor of Social Science (Psychology)
Post Graduate Diploma (Counselling)
ADHD Coach Training (ADDCA USA)
Certified Grey Area Drinking Coach - personally trained by Jolene Park (to learn more about grey area drinking)
Lifeline suicide prevention training (ASIST)
SMART Recovery Facilitator training
Trauma-informed care for AOD Practice, Relapse Prevention & Management, Expanding Coping Skills - Insight
Memberships & other:
Registered counsellor - Australian Counselling Association
SMART Recovery Australia Board Member
I founded Untoxicated in 2018, a volunteer-run peer support charity, personally supporting hundreds of people to change their relationship with alcohol
Intergenerational lived experience
Therapeutic approach and modalities:
I use a neuro-biopsychosocial, trauma-informed and neuro-affirming approach integrating techniques from the following modalities:
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) | Motivational Interviewing | Solution-Focused Therapy | Psychodynamic Therapy | Positive Psychology (Strengths-based) | CBT | Polyvagal Theory | Transtheoretical Model of Behaviour Change | Neuroscience & Neuroplasticity